Joss Whedon To Kill Your Puppy

After a long week of trying to find your grandmother's heirloom--the one that would permanently close the portal of hell that opened up because your ex-lover turned robot opened it with his dreams--only to discover your grandmother wasn't really your grandmother, but in fact your mother, news is coming in that Joss Whedon is going to kill your puppy.

"I know it's been a hard year for you," Whedon said. "After the government took away your memory, and when you got it back you found out it was a little too late because you ended up shooting your sister in the back with a harpoon gun. And I know that week-long period where you were stuck in a coma dream world where things moved backwards and all your sexual frustrations manifested themselves in the form of Lust Monsters couldn't have been a walk in the park. But I think it's just time to kill your puppy."

"I have nothing against puppies," Whedon said at a press conference. "I just need to kill this one off to give your overall arc more depth."

As you will recall, your puppy, named Captain Snackems, was recently rescued by you from an evil pound that was selling puppy tears on the black market. You bonded very quickly with the puppy, and the bond grew even stronger when you discovered that you and the puppy shared a mental link, and could read each others thoughts. 

Also, you just got over a very recent scare where the puppy was stolen back by the evil pound owner, who was actually a witch. Luckily you got there in time to cut the head off of the witch and catch the puppy before it fell into a boiling cauldron. 

"You saved me," the puppy told you through mind-speach. "I will always love you."

"I'll always love you too," you told the puppy. "And whenever you get lost, I'll always find you."

"Yeah, it's about time to kill the puppy," Whedon recently reiterated, and went off to his laptop to go about ruining your life.

Bag of tricks? BAG OF KNIVES!

Drew this based off of the Toone Up toy. Willow is PISSED.

Leave Ghosts Alone!

Remember when vampires were somewhat cool, and interesting? Remember the show Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and how clever it was, and how it perfectly handled the vampire element? Remember when vampires were scary?


Those days are gone. A whole slew of sucky (no pun intended) teen romance books and movies (you know the ones--they have that boy with the big hair, the other boy who always has his shirt off, and that robot disguised as a girl) pretty much destroyed any mystery or intrigue that vampires held. It turned them into wussy, glittery, sad-sacks. Even Anne Rice’s prissy, pretty-boy vampires were still, when it came down to it, ruthless killers.

Well now it seems the vampire teat has been milked for all its blood (eww), and the powers that be are looking for a new supernatural creature to fuck-up. What will it be? Will they start making movies about love-struck Frankensteins, trying to woo the outcast girl at school? Will teenage mummies start unwrapping their bandages to reveal really buff guys?

According to this article  in Wired, "ghosts are the new vampires.”

Already, there are several shitty-sounding teen ghost books that are being snatched up by Hollywood to turn into shitty-sounding teen ghost movies. I am bothered by this.

Sure, you could argue at the end of the day, this doesn’t really matter. They’re just movies and books. And you’re 100 % correct. But I really enjoy ghosts and ghost stories. When done properly, there’s so much you can say and do with a ghost story. Do we really need a bunch of movies where sad teen ghosts fall for sad teen humans, all of which will have the same message: We can never be together, because I am a ghost and you are alive!! (sad face).

C’mon people, leave ghosts alone.